Sunday, May 18, 2014

blog post four.

i know that you guys don't know a whole lot about me unless you're one of my friends and you're reading this. the thing is i'm graduating in less than four days. a lot of questions have been asked about my  future but it's all still a question mark to me. a lot of things have been question marks lately and it's hard to accept a little but in my previous blog i'm trying to cope with it.

however the biggest question mark on my mind is how i am going to cope with losing my high school friends. it's known that in college you make most of your lifelong friends, but let's face it i love all my high school friends. they all contribute something different in my life. i can't imagine going forth in my journey without them.
the theme for this blog is going to be rather simple: letting go.

i had a friendship i shared for six years. ever since i moved to this lovely state surrounded by trees ( note my sarcasm). she brought this light to it. she made me laugh and we shared everything together. we shared laughs, crushes and secrets. ask me a year and a half ago and i would've told you that we would've been friends forever. i would've told you that we were gonna stay friends forever that college and life was no match for our bond. we had it all planned out. we even swore that i would be the godmother to her kids and she would be the godmother to mine.

well one day we had a little fight and believe me i thought and i still think the whole argument was a stupid reason to end a friendship. but the point is if you know me you'll know that for me people and things are hard for me to let go of. i didn't let go of anyone when i moved from the north to the south. i loved everyone so much and it was something hard so when i was dealt with losing the person who knows me fully and accepts for who i was it was probably one of the hardest things i've gone through. i used to cry randomly and i wouldn't accept it. i didn't want to. until one day i grew sick of crying and i began thinking there was something wrong with me. i didn't know that it was all normal because i've never fully lost someone that close to me and even people who were minor still hurt letting go of.

the thing was that following that , i opened my eyes. i saw all these beautiful friendships i have. through all the tears and all the hurting i had so many friends who surrounded me with love and support. i saw other friendships that i have and i'm so grateful for that. things got better but before anything gets better it ultimately has to get worse and i know that. the thing about a friendship at first i kinda wished she would go away but we share the same school.

i accepted the tears and i accepted the hurt and i somehow gained even more friends than i had.

the thing was..... now i wish her nothing but the best. i hope that she accomplishes everything she wants to. she's always going to be a part of me growing up and you know what ...i'm  grateful i couldn't have chosen a better person to share so many memories with. i still laugh at several of them and before when i used to bring them up in a conversation i would get angry with myself and tell myself  "she's not your friend anymore remember" because subconciously my words still called her my friends. gradually i stopped bringing her up in conversation and not because i told myself not to but because i began forming all these amazing memories with these amazing people who form a part of my life... so to let go of them now you can imagine is hard and a little devastating but i wish them all the best because every single one of them has something to offer this world as they offered me. each one of them are amazing in their own unique way and i know that we'll always have those laughs and memories we shared just as i know with my old best friend.

as i contemplated whether i should write my old best friend a senior letter i wasn't sure but if she's reading this right now i said all i wanted to say and if life somehow makes our paths cross i hope that we can simply reminisce about all the laughs we shared. i believe in you all and if we're still friends in college or if we aren't i wish you all nothing but the best in your futures. i really wish you all knew how much you mean to me. i'm super grateful. and in the words of the amazing Dr. Seuss

" don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"
or now that we're graduating

" you're off to great places!
today is your day!
your mountain is waiting,
so... get on your way!” 


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