Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Knock knock, who's there? YOUR FUTURE.

As a young woman who lost her lanyard for her room key, who has been forced to acknowledge the fact that if she doesn't purchase a new one she will indeed lose her room key. She stumbled into the school store, where there she not only found her lanyard but also a degree on a shiny frame. It stood there taunting her, filling her heart with insecurities and a sense of unsureness. A dream, which four years ago seemed so far away was knocking on her door.

It's going to creep on me sooner or later.

So you're probably wondering (or maybe not), what is this talented, honest, woman of the Lord doing with her life? (modesty, oops)

The truth is, I have no idea.

Here not only comes a degree knocking on my door but the unescapable book which commands my life so well, the Bible.

I rarely pray to the Lord about the future, my heart is on the future. Can we please just talk about how hard it is to survive the now? It always gets difficult for me to think too far ahead. Don't even ask me what I'm doing on Friday, I have no idea.

Point is, I am not the most qualified to talk about this. Perhaps, the reason I only pray about the now is because I have this deep trust in the Lord and his plan. Heck sometimes I even wonder what am I going to do? Am I going to work at a radio station? a non-profit? Am I going to sacrifice everything and live my life for the Lord?

My biggest insecurity is that my job will not glorify God. As much as I want to work in radio; I feel that I am promoting music that involves sex, lack of emotional chastity, and worst of all music I listen to but don't believe in. You could argue that I could work at a Christian station, but as awful as it sounds I am fascinated by the music industry.  I have listened to so much music growing up. I literally can't even begin to name all of the albums. My head was always in the CD section of Best Buy.

It's not to say that I dislike Christian music (because I do like it), it's just to say that I am fascinated by pop culture and its influence on our society as a whole. As I dive deeper in faith my fears and future are subject to a tremendous amount of change. I am ready to discover the true meaning of my life, but I am only doing this in handing it to the Lord.

Another fear of mine is not having time for the Lord. As of now, I have an awesome community in which I have spirit nights and I also have daily mass. I have friends centered on Christ. As college ends, that's going to change.

My point in saying all this is to let you know that I'm afraid. But of course, the Lord has a ton to say about this. I got you!

I just know, that regardless God is writing or has written my story. I know all my choices can lead me closer to his kingdom or farther away. When I make a decision, I am going to challenge myself to reflect how the Lord sees it in his eyes. I challenge you to do the same. I want you to trust God, as hard as it may sound at times. Trust in him and do not lean on your own understanding. YOU can do this! I believe in you and me! I believe in both of us! I just want you to remember as you make decisions just reflect on them and make the ones that will ultimately lead you into heaven. At the end of the day, isn't all of goals to get behind those pearly gates and meet our creator face to face?

I have attached some of my favorite Bible verses from websites. I did this on my last post and I hoped it has helped you. It sure has helped me dive deeper into the Bible. If you have anything you want to say  or prayer intentions or anything at all please comment below! I would love to hear from you.

Bible verses to renew an unsure heart....

  1. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
  2. "Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10
  3. "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5
  4. "Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. "2 Samuel 7:28
  5. "Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will call upon the name of the Lord, our God. "Psalm 20:7
  6. "And now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and formed thee, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed thee, and called thee by thy name: thou art mine." Isaiah 43:1
  7. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you" Psalm 56:3
  8.  “Do not let your hearts be trouble believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1
  9. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. "Proverbs 3:5-6
  10. "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9


Monday, September 19, 2016

Where DO Broken Hearts go?

We live in a music scene obsessed with the thought and feelings that go into heartbreak. If you tell me you don't listen to at least one song about a love that didn't quite work out, I wouldn't believe you.

Has my heart ever been broken? Yes, but not in the sense you would think.

I am of the one percent who can honestly say they haven't had a romantic relationship. At 20 years old, I am yet to experience the fullness of break-up texts, binge eating ice cream, and having friends convince me that he wasn't good enough ( a little less on the last point). Heartbreak isn't just romantic, it's in all relationships.

When you stop being friends with someone, you feel it. It cracks you apart and you feel down. If you're like me, I am one to put self blame.

At some point, I wonder where DO broken hearts go? No, not the One Direction song. I prayed and prayed to understand my own heart and wonder what happens when it is broken. Usually, I have a small reminder that it isn't the end of the world. I'll be okay.

The truth is, imagine this, your heart is a piece of fabric.

Let's say someone breaks your heart. It can be a relationship of 6 months or your friend said they're mad at you. This person broke your heart. So this is what happens to your little red fabric heart.

It's been cut. Your heart was cut and the person holding the scissors is the one who hurt you or perhaps yourself. This all has a point, I promise. So with all this chaos and your heart feeling empty and torn. You take all this to prayer. Prayer is that one time you can lay down all these emotions in front of God or Jesus and release your inner insecurities. You become a stronger person through prayer. Slowly everyday you begin to feel better, maybe not completely , but just good enough. You feel it. He's here holding your hand through this and this is what happens to your heart.

God is stitching it back up, he knows you have the capability to love endlessly and he never wants to take that away from you. Maybe like this illustration the yellow thread makes an impact on your heart. Which means you'll never forget the person and what happened but it means you fully forgave them. We have this amazing thing God has given us. We have a power to forgive and a love that we can provide that is so endless, it's terrifyingly beautiful.

So next time you have a heartbreak, it can be between friends, families, or your boyfriend and girlfriend think about the red heart. Heal yourself through prayer and things that make you happy. I think it's amazing to be able to compare the power of prayer to something real. Wow!

Bible verses that can help your heart stitch back up... 
I chose some of my favorites. 

  1. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18)
  2. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalms 73:26) 
  3. fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
  4.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.(Corinthians 12:9)
  5.  Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved (Psalms 55:22)
  6.  Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. (Mark 11:23 )
  7. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (Corinthians 13:7 )
  8.  Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (Peter 4:19)
  9. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
  10.  Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. (Isaiah: 43:18)
  11. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you: and through rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fires you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you (Isaiah 43:1)

Monday, April 11, 2016

Hopelessly Confused

Warning: This blog post is going to be extremely long. I encourage you to read it, but please please make sure you read this when you are free. 

Wow, so I never actually thought there would be a blog post thirteen this early to be rather honest with you as well as myself. I needed to do a follow up blog on blog post twelve. Remember how I said that this blog might be a way of  tracking my spiritual growth, well it's what I am going to use as now. Maybe in the future I will continue.

So anyway if you have not read my previous blog ( which I do encourage you to), it was totally and completely about love. However my point of view has been shifted again. As some of you who are reading this may or may not know I was at a retreat this past weekend. This retreat has changed my view point on love and perhaps even expanded my previous ideas.

In order for you reader to understand this blog and myself.... we need to take it back to second grade. Yes, I said it second grade.. What happened in second grade? My very first crush. His name was Danny. ( Danny if you ever do read this... Hi!!!). I liked Danny. He was cute... he had the same faith I had?... not a lot to go on here. I knew Danny second to fifth grade in my Catholic school.

So here you are thinking.. that's perfectly normal and cute which it is. It is cute and adorable...at that age. Unfortunately for me I have continued that pattern of liking guys and in the end it would leave me empty. I bet you're thinking why empty? How could a crush leave you empty?

Because as most girls I am a total hopeless romantic.

I fed qualities into guys just so I would feel that they are perfect and we could be perfect. I would imagine dating them or being with them ( and that may sound creepy). It's like wanting and craving a life long soul mate in a person you like only due to physical attributes.

So like Danny and many other guys as second grade went on it was a cycle. One that I did not see as unhealthy. I thought it was perfectly normal and healthy to like guys in this way or form. Soon I gained the courage to actually speak to my crushes and it became worse because I would heighten their good qualities. I didn't think at the time that I could possibly talk to God or Jesus about matters of my love life.

I would think:God has better things to worry about then Luke not liking you or just tell him what you're thankful for and what you need don't bother God with your feelings on your love life. 

Perhaps I would pray that they would like me back just so like most of my friends I would be in a relationship with a guy who I could trust and have to be there with me. It's increasingly hard to have this constant reminder that you haven't had your first boyfriend or kiss and you're standing and waiting for these incredible things to occur. It's not to say I am jealous or envious just that all my life as unrealistic and cheesy also cliche as it may sound: I want my fairy tale ending. I want to be married. I want the ups and downs. I want kids. Maybe I want the white house with the picket fence. Who knows?

As much as I would love to continue the story on previous past crushes of mine... I need to go to the present.

First year of college. 
Wow, where was my mind back then? Obviously on books. Anyways....I met a guy. Thought he was different. Isn't it how it always begins? He serenaded me with his guitar. It was great. In my heart I knew he wasn't right for me. His carelessness for his grades and how he was constantly with other girls and that's not to say that there is a problem with having female friends. However once I got to know him I understood why he had many female friends. He was charming and seemingly into his faith which was Christian. There aren't a lot of differences between Catholics and Christians. For me, the other guys faith ( the ones I crushed on) was never a big deal to me. I figured that why should it matter if you have different faiths if that person was possibly meant for you. Well, he turned out to not be what I painted him to be.

EVERYONE was telling me this but I did ignore it because in my heart I felt that maybe it could be... especially because for once the feelings were reciprocated and he liked me back. Soon enough however, as I got to get to know him I didn't really want anything to do with him. You're probably wondering why? The truth is one day... my catholic friends from college convinced me to go to this Spirit & Truth. There was this brilliant podcast by Sarah Swafford playing. A lot of things she said stuck out to me. She said the most important word is: Use. Then I realized shortly after that podcast was that he was trying to USE me. ( in the sense that he would ask for my completed work the previous semester) She also said to lay all your insecurities in front of Jesus and that the time will come when you will look next to you and you'll see the person next to you, the one you're meant to be with. I prayed a lot about this person. I wanted to ask God what was his purpose. Why was he in my life? I can tell you that I did receive an  answer. I was closer to the conclusion I am at now but not quite. The answer was: he was a lesson, this boy was in my life to teach me that I can let God know whatever is on my mind whether it be boys or insecurities. I can just lay them all out and trust that he will always listen. BUT... like I said I wasn't quite there.

Shortly after this guy was a part of my life, I met someone new. He was different. No, he was ACTUALLY different. He was into his faith and his family.  So here I go... He is sweet. He is kind. He wasn't using me or anything. I liked him because of the way he was so into his faith. I was just coming back to being at the place I was before ( this will be in a separate post ... someday). So of course I continued to see him. He made me want to be more into my faith. SO maybe as much of a crush as it was it was also a spiritual crush. Then there was this retreat.. it was around the corner. Of course, I asked God once more, why him? Why of all people was this amazing guy in my life? Of course, the pattern was prevalent to the point where I would heighten all his qualities. I started to realize then that it was wrong to like someone in this way because as much as I did like his personality I also liked his appearance. It wasn't until one night in a cabin, in this retreat where I spoke to 2 amazing friends of mine that they helped me come to this conclusion. It's wrong to objectify someone. When we do this we build broken houses with guys that maybe not the ones. By broken house she meant that we picture this ending but we're doing this in the wrong way. By liking someone for their appearance, we're subconsciously doing this. It's mostly by feeding qualities into people to make us think that we have a soulmate. You need to TRUST that God is making your perfect house. Slowly but surely God is setting the foundation for that perfect house. He will give you a soulmate when he feels the time is right. Another reason that a friend of mine brought up was that maybe God presents you with these people because they need prayers. In her example the guy she liked was struggling with his vocation ( which is basically if he should be a priest or get married). So she prayed for him and he chose his vocation to become a priest.  I thank this person that I liked because he made me want to be more into my faith, he made me want to be closer to God. Perhaps, that was his purpose. I pray for him because as I said he is genuinely a good person. He deserves to be happy.


If you tell me about a certain time you've walked into a room of strangers and didn't quite feel as if you were in the right place because everyone had a connection except you; I can right off the bat tell you that's my life. My life for the most part has been a sequence of awkward, good, and bad moments.

It all started in what one of my friends considers the armpit of America, New Jersey. I was placed in a ESL class (standard procedure). I believe this one girl was a bully and just about picked on everyone. It was at the point where she pinched me and of course I pinched back. The teacher sided with me entirely on the fact that I was a brand new student and well the girl didn't have a good track record. However, that was enough to mark me off to the rest of the class.

By the time second grade came along, my mother decided to place me in private school (no, it had nothing to do with the pinching incident). The public school system in the north isn't the best. So imagine this, walking into a classroom full of students who had not only known each other but were wearing uniforms. Then me of course wearing not a uniform. As I walked in the teacher obligated everyone to introduce themselves. So as I introduced myself, I curtsied. I repeat, I curtsied. I still cringe about this. Of course there was a cute boy in my class.

Only in second grade did we have a Valentine's day dance, where of course my mother picked an outfit that day I dreaded and the boy who I thought was cute was a short distance from me. When I ask my mother what I did in that situation, her answer wasn't a shock. I ran in circles around the dance floor.

Anyways needless to say I didn't fit in with the popular bunch in my small and quaint classroom. I was different. I wore Mickey Mouse pins on my private school ties in fourth grade AND although I did cheerleading I would skip because the HIGH SCHOOL coaches made me feel as if I did nothing right. However, this didn't mean I didn't want to fit in. I longed to belong to the trio of girls who sat at the end of our classroom lunch table. I tried. I tried so hard to the point where I was bullied. I was a sensitive child as most only children are. The turning point was when I was told what days I could sit in with this trio of cool girls. It wasn't up until Melissa stood up for me. I sat with other girls who were different. There was one girl who was more alienated than I was and she even sat with us. Harmony and having more than one friend in my class seemed like a literal blessing.

But before I got too comfortable....

My mom decided to move us all to Georgia. Yes, New Jersey to Georgia. It's just as easy for me to tell you I cried the whole way. It felt as if I cried the whole 15 hours. Sure the vacations to Georgia weren't too bad but MOVING. At the time it felt as if it was the end of my world (I was only 10).

Unfortunately for me the public school system here was actually better than New Jersey so I attended public school. Unfortunately for me I didn't have the best wardrobe. I mean I wore a uniform 5 days a week; What can you expect? So there I was huge sweatshirts and sweatpants every single day (Snow in Jersey, not a joke) and coming into a classroom who AGAIN everyone knew each other, the status quo was established and I didn't belong to any of them(At least this time they weren't all in uniform right?) . I slowly got acquainted with everyone and made some friends. I still wanted to be "in". It all seems stupid, you know? Anyways everyone was wearing Justice and of course I had to have Justice and I did. I still didn't fit in. None of this bothered me as much because I had one friend named Amber who became my best friend and I wasn't the only addition to the class.. Also it's worth mentioning the girl who lived next to me, never liked me either although I never exchanged but 2 words with her.

I thought things were looking up for me in middle school but of course, I was wrong. 6th grade I made one of my best friends and we were super close simply because we both had a mutual dislike of the girl in my neighborhood who didn't like me for any reason. Things were looking up for me and my like of Hannah Montana seemed to be a good but rather bad conversation starter. I was known as the girl obsessed with Hannah Montana. My best friend and I shared a similar goal of attempting to fit in but finding ourselves to be unsuccessful. The public school system was not in my favor the status quo established in elementary school carried on into middle school and of course the glorious 4 years of high school. I did the talent show in 6th grade and take a wild guess at what I sang... Hannah Montana (shocker).

7th grade I was still super attached to my best friend and we thought we could conquer the world since we had the same class. The universe however had other plans in store for us both. I was placed in the homeroom with the meanest girl possible and she hated me (again I do not know why).  She gave me a blank piece of paper and called it an invite to her party. She accused both my best friend and I of being lesbians. Of course my mother handled this. I was shy to the point where I didn't stand up for myself and maybe if I did it wouldn't have gotten so bad.

8th grade I embraced the fact I wasn't part of the established food chain. If the food chain in middle school existed I was simply nonexistent. I began to feel misunderstood for some reason or another prompting black eyeliner and Paramore. I was as edgy as it got. I began an ongoing experimentation with makeup, short hair and a straightener. Needless to say it was rather distrastorus. I had friends who were in-between as I was. I began having friends who perhaps were edgier and did things I didn't do but respected that I didn't do those things.

I think throughout my social experimentation I have gathered to never judge anyone. It's okay to be different.
High school to me felt like a turning point, because at the time I still didn't believe elementary and middle school food chains applied to the best four years of your life. I socialized with the less cooler people. If social climbing was a thing, in high school I was still bottom of the ladder. It wasn't until Junior year I found my niche. In 9th grade I befriended a girl named Geo, who after gym disappeared in my life. 11th grade brought us back together through a mutual friend and through Geo I met my group. We all had strict parents, a love for One Direction, and we all were in a way just normal. We weren't totally alienated and we didn't totally fit in. Our group was diverse and filled with laughter.

For once I actually liked being different. 

Senior year was uneventful and it was then that I became okay with who I was. I made friends with a Danish foreign exchange student and I made another close friend that I slowly began to trust more than anyone. I didn't really let popularity get to me. I didn't need a ladder to climb and I didn't need a food chain to be a part of. I was okay with being me. My friends from junior year carried onto senior year and the longest journey seemed to be over. 

College was the literal turning point for me in so many ways.

I walked into a college with amazing friends back home and as a commuter I saw no point in befriending anyone. You're probably wondering how is that a turning point? Well I didn't try to make friends, it just happened. One day I was somewhat early to class and sat in between Kim and Maria. I began to become fully happy with who I was and this has led me into the most amazing and transforming phase in my life. I love who I'm becoming. I love the people I surround myself with and the constant laughter provided through much needed times. College is the point in life where you learn to embrace your differences and find people who are just as different and if not even more different than you are. 

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Wrong Feelings

This blog has been an emotional outlet filled with grammatical errors and me blogging solely based on how I feel in a current moment and giving you advice simply based on advice I want to give myself and struggle to. The point is my life has been experiencing a lot of change and ridding myself of emotions that should have never been present in the first place.

Yes, it's all gone and it's time for me to flip a page but you know when you flip a page sometimes, rarely, but sometimes you get a paper cut and it burns at first but quickly it begins to heal and you realize it wasn't all that bad and sometimes you even forget about it. That perfectly describes everything I'm going through. I don't like to brag about things because I'm not that type of person. Humility goes a long way believe me. It's just that I find myself in situations I can't even begin to understand.

Perhaps, I have already lost you but if I didn't then please continue reading.

This all began at 1 am talking to a friend about my emotional shortcomings and how it's time to let go of a certain person. Yes, this was the regular conversation I have been receiving the past three months and if it wasn't from him it would have been from someone else. My problem is that when I'm caught between logic and emotion I chose emotion. I feed into it, maybe  and I wouldn't be here if I didn't and I'm trying to indirectly tell you this story without mentioning names because in us all exists this paranoia of someone knowing how we actually feel and I feed into that as well. We're all actors, so yes you do deserve an Oscar,  best leading lady or leading man. You do it everyday. But this isn't about that.

It was a normal day at work,

Everything was going fine and everything was perfect. As days passed, the same guy would stop by as I was making coffee and when I first started I told him that hey, thanks for being my first friend here. Not that my coworkers were unapproachable but he was making an effort to actually get to know me. Anyways he kept stopping by and then he finally gained the courage to ask for my number and me being Jackie I gave it to him, not because I was interested. My sole focus this semester and hopefully this year, is focusing on myself and my own self growth and who I am, those I love and of course who I want to be.

However, his thunder was quickly stolen by another boy who was also a classmate of mine and he asked me if I wanted to see a movie and even progressed to ask me to cancel my plans to go to the movies. I risk all of this being read by the wrong party and honestly things are just so difficult. The night prior as I was receiving the same call, my friend told me that if I attempted to basically pick up all these emotions and place them on someone else I would be doing myself a disservice. Point is: be careful what you wish for. On the phone I was hoping to get rid of something by beginning something else but not until I got close to it happening did I realize: I'm not ready. I'm absolutely not ready at all. Every time someone attempts to talk to me ( which rarely happens ) with the intention of liking me, I don't understand. Then I got the lecture of self love with my friend and then and only in the next day did I realize what he meant.

I don't love myself enough and I don't give myself enough credit. I don't understand why, but I do know it's time to change. It's time to actually leave the paper cut behind cure the burning sensation allow it to heal and move on, flip the page and actually figure out the questions that have been taunting me. It's time to let go. No more false signs, no more shoveling emotions and pouring them on someone else, and this I mean fully to all of you,

Please give yourself a chance and focus on what you have. Don't concern yourself with trivial matters. Place everything in the hands of the Lord.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Meeting Charlie Puth

So for those of you who are like me and don't know a whole lot about Charlie Puth, that's okay I didn't either. He's a three time Grammy nominated artist for his song "See You Again" which was in remembrance of Paul Walker and not only is it a beautiful song, it was written by Charlie himself. He is a super talented musician. He had a full ride from Berklee, and he's also from New Jersey (like myself... kind of). Anyways, so Jingle Ball in Atlanta had come around and my friend and I were excited for artists such as Shawn Mendes, Nick Jonas, DNCE, or Justin Bieber. Never did we think we would ACTUALLY meet Charlie Puth. We did look at his Instagram a couple weeks before the concert and he did spark some curiosity in us but just like most of you, we only really knew one or two songs.

Luckily for us, we had fifth row seats. As we walk in we can't help but marvel at our closeness to the stage (which consisted of taking super embarrassing selfies). Anyways, so Charlie was the opening act before everyone else. Our row happened to empty and these girls encouraged us to move down to be closer to the center since we were at the side. So we did this, only to find a spotlight right in our face. Charlie was literally singing to us. I couldn't even handle the situation. I was in awe of how attractive he was in person and how super talented he was. I have to be honest and say he has an amazing voice and he is worth seeing live if you're into pop music. I'll recommend some songs later.

As he went off stage, we saw other acts like Shawn Mendes. I know this blog is about Charlie and I promise THIS totally correlates. When I saw Shawn, I went insane. I have honestly been a fan since his days in MAGCON and when he didn't have a record deal. ALL of my energy was spent on Shawn. I don't still understand how I had a voice after that performance. He also did a duet with Camila from Fifth Harmony. So after Shawn gets off stage, everyone literally is staring at our side of the stage. We didn't know why, that wasn't until we saw the top of his head and everyone pointing and the nice girl next to us told us it was him. One problem and only one was present and that was: security. The security lady in front of row told us we couldn't pass. We were totally and beyond frustrated that we couldn't surpass security when literally a Grammy nominated artist was there right in front of us and the fact the girl behind us managed to take a photo.  My friend Kim who kept urging me to go when the security lady was preoccupied also shared my distress at the situation. All we had to do was surpass this lady and go through. As she became preoccupied again, my friend Kim pushed me past her and basically yelled "GO". This was all in the break between Nick Jonas and next up was no other than Justin Bieber. The adrenaline in my body kicked in and I still don't know how I weaved through the crowd barefoot due to the uncomfortable boots I was wearing.

So now this is where it happens.
I tap him on his shoulder, he was wearing a gray shirt. He turns around and I ask "Can I have a picture?". We take 2 photos and the lighting from the stage made the photos look very weird. As I turn around I see my friend Kim, who also snuck past the security woman. She looks at me stunned that she made it with this glimmer of excitement in her eyes. This was indeed her second concert and at her second concert she managed to meet a person who has not only 1 hit song on the radio but 2 hit songs. She froze up in excitement and I asked Charlie once, "Can she have a picture with you?". I had a slight moment of freaking out and I couldn't even maneuver her iPhone camera (I have had an iPhone for over 3 years). I managed to take the photo and I was unhappy with the photo I had taken previously. I ask Charlie " I'm sorry, but can I just have one more photo". He says "I don't mean to sound rude or anything but-" and he cuts himself off and takes a photo with me. The lighting was more favorable and it looked like a much better photo than before. I had 2 selfies with him and a photo taken by my friend and in all honesty I could not have been more thrilled. As far as his response went, I understood completely. A lot of fans had previously asked for photos before us and he was just trying to enjoy the show. I felt as if I was interuppting his experience.

Reader I am lucky and blessed to say that it wasn't my last encounter with Charlie Puth. A week ago, my friend Kimberly who loves The Bert Show informed that Charlie Puth was doing a promotion for the radio station where we would get free lunch and a performance with him. I was thrilled. Not only had I met him previously but he was going to be performing for us again. It would be insane to see him again. Unlike last time, I did proper research on Charlie. I had found out he had a full ride to Berklee but also that he had an accident with a dog when he was 2 ;causing the scar on his eyebrow. He had basically loved music from a young age. I couldn't help but stumble into his EP and listen to several songs only to find myself even more excited that the next day I would actually get to see him again. I couldn't help but become an actual fan. Charlie is the next best thing. I managed to listen to "We Don't Talk Anymore" because it was leaked.

So literally my friend drove 1 hour to pick me up and another hour to get us both to the event. We were listening to his songs and commenting on them to see how we felt. His album doesn't come out for another 4 days. We had very limited songs to listen to. As we were getting there I mentioned how Charlie's autograph is worth a lot of money (later he comments about how paparazzi ask him for his autograph to sell it and how it bothers him which was funny because I literally was looking up how much it went for). My friend thought it would be brilliant if we went to the UPS store and printed our photos. We first went to the event to see less than 100 people there (that was the cut off). Then later we printed the photos, bought metallic markers and waited outside at 10 am when the event started at 11:30 am. We sat outside our anxiety levels to a high as we were scared he would recall the unfortunate and fortunate encounter the previous month at Jingle Ball. We honestly knew his reaction could go either way. I waited in the patio of the event and sure enough I was first to get in line and actually reserve a table very close to the keyboard (Charlie was literally singing to me). We all got food first which was me getting 2 chicken fingers and rice and racing over to get the perfect seats.

Charlie Puth was literally 5 feet away from me, he walked in a little late. Bert informed us we could ask anything except about Meghan. I said "Wow" only to be called out by Bert and he said "We know where your mind is"(very funny).  We all couldn't help but stare. He is literally gorgeous in person. At first Bert made some comments with Charlie and sure enough he had to do a song. "Uhh I don't know what song to play for you guys". My friend Kim chimed in and said "One Call Away" and he pointed at her and smiled saying "Alright One Call Away". His live performances are actually 10 times better than the stuff you hear on the radio. He did a small Q&A where fans asked questions (Favorite gummy beat flavor? he likes sour patch kids btw, or favorite song to sing live? See you again which he partially wrote for his own friend). He soon sang WDTA and it's his actual first time singing the song and he glanced at me because I was ahead of the game. He discussed how he began working with Selena, he approached her with an idea about a song at an after party and he wrote it and soon enough hit her up about doing the duet. Soon enough he sang Marvin Gaye and he looked at me as he sang "I'd love to be in trouble with you" and my heart couldn't handle it. He spoke about how he wanted to learn the guitar like his friend Shawn Mendes (;. I was thrilled. He did some  of Hello by Adele, Love Yourself by Justin (in which he looked at me for the words as he forgot them) and a small snippet of a John Meyer song in which he mentioned if he could work with composers dead or alive it would be Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Bruno Mars and of course John Meyer and a small Q&A. I asked him a question how his experience at Berklee and of course I mentioned New Jersey. He answered my question very thoroughly so I felt that perhaps he had forgotten our past encounter. He also seemed happy that as a fan I took an interest in his career. (one fan actually came all the way from South Carolina and saw him in Dallas and Atlanta). Soon enough the small concert was over, because he had more promotional work to do. I soon got out of my seat because we really needed those photos signed.

Charlie saw a lot of girls coming towards him and he put up his index finger to indicate he would be back but soon enough he went to the back. I clutched the photo and pen in my hand leaving my purse behind (just like Jingle Ball). We approached him in the back where he took some quick photos with fans but not very many since Q100 security and I believe one of the person on his camp indicated this wasn't a meet and greet. They were very upset by the influx of fans going towards the restroom in the back. The man would simply not let me through, Kim went in through the side and I handed her the photos. Soon she asked Charlie if he could sign our photos for us and he said "Sure, If you have a marker", Kim swiftly turned around and looked at me as I handed her the silver marker. The encounter seemed to be going well until Kim said "Jackie, I told you" she said "I told you he was rude". I was in total shock, I saw his smile as she came up to him and I figured it went well.

Kim said to him "We met you at Jingle Ball" and he said "You (did/didn't, she's not actually sure which one he said) meet me. It was during the Bieber thing". At first I was in absolute shock and joy that he remembered our faces and he knew where we had met us, however the realization that he wasn't excited to see us after everything we had been through that morning shocked me. I never expected him to say those words. Kim described his demeanor as "fake" stating that he was forced to. However weighing it both ways, we did have to surpass security twice to meet him and both times our encounters with Charlie weren't under the right circumstances. I do however, wish that Charlie did acknowledge our efforts to reconnect with him. I do wish him the best in his career as a singer and I am absolutely thankful to have seen him and been able to ask him a question once more. As far his upcoming tour and album goes. I am currently on the fence about wanting to meet him again. In a way he made us both feel embarrassed of how we met him.

In conclusion, I encourage you to listen to his music. He certainly has a passion for it and his album was written and produced by himself. I encourage you to see him live if you feel called to, and as far my support goes he certainly did bring my friend and I closer with our concert experience, but I am reluctant to purchase an album or concert ticket as well as meet and greet due to the story I have just shared.