blog post five.

i have a lot to say.
a lot of words to add to this lovely compilation that is called my life.
i've been learning a lot about myself through the way i react to things. i know that many people out there have struggles and growing up writing about them was always my outlet. i keep a diary that has every sad emotion i've ever felt. writing about it has been the key for me to move on from one page to the next in my life. perhaps people have different outlets of releasing emotions. there's a contructive way and a destructive way.

i not only wrote i drew and i sang. yes that included every justin bieber or taylor swift song that could possibly make me feel better. if i felt i could, i'd talk about it. my friends are honestly the best listeners. they listen to my long rambles from serious things to the most craziest ideas that come through my mind. i honestly am super thankful for them

but like i mentioned there's also destructive ways of releasing emotions that involve cutting and self harm. i can't say that i look at someone differently for doing. we all fight our own battles. we all have our own scars and we all face things with different prespectives. what i am about to say is redundant but there are other ways of letting go. believe me i know that cutting makes you feel in control of whatever you're going through but it's not the solution. it's a permanent fix ( scars) to a temporary problem. i know what it's like to go through the course of many emotions not that i can sit here and complain to you about my life, but i do not have the perfect life. i have my own things that i face. it's the way you face them that defines you. i understand those people who cut because they're afraid of telling people and i can indirectly relate seeing that i do not like telling my friends about all my problems. but sometimes they're the best outlet and if they're not because i can't tell them i write.

i even turned my emotions into poems. i have many friends who have done things like self harm and what i want people to understand is that they're will always be someone you can even contact me. i'm not judgemental i don't lead the perfect life so i'm noone to judge anyone.

then there's this other debate that crosses my mind.....
it's whether those battles or wounds or scars shape who you are.
it's whether they change you ...
i honestly couldn't tell you if after the things i've gone through in these 4 years of high school have changed me. i don't know if i'm the same person.
my mother argues that no one ever changes. my thing is perhaps a persons essence never changes but perhaps the experiences that  you go through ( every war or battle) is what makes you a different person. maybe a friend lying makes you less trusting
or maybe losing a friend due to them moving makes you stronger
or maybe something that happened to you makes you want to change the world and help those who go through the same thing.

maybe it's just me but i think what i have gone through which one day i'll be strong enough to discuss is what made me stronger. i learned to value my friendships. i learned to be stronger. i learned that family is important. i also would do anything to start awareness for what those who are close to me have gone through.

the power of all the things that shape you is your choice.
you can make them something positive or negative but whatever it is please be strong.
please let it change you to be a better person even if it's hard
and if it doesn't try to find a way to release it.
life's too short.

if you ever need anyone i'm here.